


Men Who Would Rape You

by saranmaglyn



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Older lesbians, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saranmaglyn/pseuds/saranmaglyn
Summary: My own idea of how Fancy_Hart's fic "I know men that would rape you." might continue. I'd suggest reading that one first before starting this story.
Relationships: Jocelyn Knight/Maggie Radcliffe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	Men Who Would Rape You

**Author's Note:**

> Do you like pain? I like pain. And drama. Almost as much as fluff. Sadly. That's how we got here.  
> I read Fancy_Hart's fanfiction, that describes a quite terrible turn of events in court during season 2, recently and also read what other people commented on it, collectively asking if they'd continue the story. I felt the same and, to put my mind to rest, pretty much immediately started writing down my own ideas on it (while ignoring reality once again.) and here's the result. I apologise to Maggie for putting her through this. :(

_“She had me raped – okay?! That's how you know it's not a lie. I walked out of that office and I was raped; just like she threatened!”_

The reporter breaks down on the stand, her legs not holding her weight anymore; she clings to the sides to not fall to the ground completely. Her entire body is shaking and her face burning as the tears stream down on her cheeks. All she could hear was the question for a recess and '20 minutes'.

Everybody in the courtroom watched the scene unfold in shock and it takes a moment before people start shuffling out of the room, whispering frantically and shooting sorry looks to Maggie, who is still hanging in the stand, not able to move after her confession. Even Sharon Bishop is taken aback by the scene. She can't take back her questions and she won't, she is the defence after all, but deep inside she regrets going this far. She can feel, no, she knows Maggie is right. That this woman just revealed something to the world she never planned on letting anyone know. Something that truly pains her. You cannot simply fake these emotions. Sharon looks up to the ceiling and closes her eyes for a second before taking her things to leave the courtroom as well to get some fresh air.

Jocelyn tried to intervene multiple times as she saw Maggie beginning to break down under the pressure of Sharon's awful questions that she kept firing at her like bullets. And then Maggie shouted above her and Sharon's discussion with the judge and admitted to actually being raped that very night she was threatened. Jocelyn knew about the threat from Susan Wright's file, of course, and that Maggie had reported it but… that was all. She only reported the threat. And never mentioned that it didn't remain just that. Just words.   
She stared at Maggie with her eyes and mouth wide open in terror and watched her lose control on the stand before her own legs gave in and made her collapse into her chair. Ben demanded for a recess and it has been granted.   
But Jocelyn can't move. She sits immobile in her chair, eyes still fixed on Maggie sobbing in front of her. Her heart shatters. It physically pains her. She just can't wrap her mind around what she just heard. Her Maggie. Raped. And keeping it a secret from everyone, including the police. She can barely think at this moment, she is just in complete shock.

“Miss Knight, You seem to be close to Miss Radcliffe, would You bring her outside, please?” The judge rips Jocelyn from her thoughts. Jocelyn needs a second to get her body to react and nods.

“Y-yes… of course.” She is slightly shaking, too, as she tries to push herself out of her chair. Luckily, Ben hasn't left her side yet and gives her support. She looks into his eyes and sees how hard this has hit him as well. 

“Do you… need help?” he stammers but Jocelyn shakes her head as she straightens her back and regains her strength. She shortly rubs his arm as a thank you and makes her way to the witness box where Maggie is still clutching to the sides with her head hanging low. She tries to steady her breathing but the closer she gets the more her heart is aching inside her chest. She walks up to the box and stands diagonally behind Maggie now. She's not sure how to speak to her and starts by reaching out for her hand. She places her own on top of Maggie's right hand and slowly takes hold of it. Maggie jerks a little at the touch and tenses.

“Sshh, it's alright. It's only me.” Jocelyn says as calm as she can, hiding her own breaking voice. She feels Maggie tightening her hand around Jocelyn's. Her other hand is on Maggie's left shoulder now and she carefully pulls her trembling body to herself. Maggie has a hard time not giving in to her weak knees as they make their way to the door. The judge is watching them slowly walk away.

“I extend the recess to 30 minutes, Miss Knight, Mister Haywood. Make sure everyone knows.” Her eyebrows are furrowed. Obviously, she has to remain neutral and cool but this situation doesn't leave her cold. They can have those few more minutes. Maggie Radcliffe needs it. Ben nods and hurries out of the door to let everyone know, just holding it open for Jocelyn and Maggie. 

Maggie continues to sob into Jocelyn's shoulder who is guiding her out of the courtroom and towards the locker room. She notices the other people watching them with pain in their eyes but she ignores them. There are sniffles coming from the right and out of the corner of her eye, Jocelyn can see Olly bringing a tissue up to his eyes and nose. She lets out a silent sob as well. At least Maggie's shaking has begun to fade and her crying is becoming quieter.  
Jocelyn pushes open the door to the locker room. It's empty and she sighs relieved as she helps Maggie inside. There are two chairs right next to the door and Jocelyn gestures to the one farther away from the door, in case anyone does come in. Maggie plumps down on it, one arm hanging beside her and the other loosely resting on her legs. Her feet are turned slightly inwards and her head is hanging low. Tears are falling onto her chest which is rising and falling without a rhythm. Jocelyn gets down on her knees in front of Maggie and takes hold of the hand in her lap, stroking her thumb over the soft skin, while she rests her left hand just above Maggie's right knee.

“Maggie… I… I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what to say...” Jocelyn begins carefully. Maggie looks completely broken in front of her. She has never seen this strong woman so small. 

“I wish I could've stopped her… I'm so terribly sorry. That this happened to you. All of it. I'm just so sorry, Maggie...” 

It's hard for Jocelyn to not give in to her own tears but she has to stay strong for Maggie now. Maggie raises her head a little and looks at her with red eyes and smudgy mascara under her eyes. One would expect at least the tiniest smile from her, but it stays out. They gaze at each other and suddenly, Maggie's eyes start filling up with salty tears again that break out of her like a waterfall.

“Oh, Jocelyn...” She cries and lets herself slide from the chair, almost falling on the woman kneeling before her. Jocelyn is taken by surprise but immediately moves to sit down properly, her legs turned to one side, and wraps her arms tightly around Maggie as she sobs onto her robe with her head leaning against her shoulder once again. She starts to gently rock her and stroke her back and head. She presses the editor against herself. Her cheek is resting against the short blonde hair as she blinks away the tears she can feel coming. She feels the urge to kiss her like a mother does with her child. Like her own mother did when she was sick or hurt herself. But she hesitates. Is it her place to do so? Oh, fuck it, she thinks and places a light kiss on top of Maggie's head, then returns to her original position.

“C-Can you do that… again?” 

The words are muffled and low since they are spoken directly into the fabrics covering Jocelyn but she can hear them. And she can't help her heart beating just a tiny bit faster at those words. Jocelyn does as she's asked and lifts her head again to give the woman in her arms a second gentle kiss. And another, this time pressing her lips a bit harder onto the hair. She thinks a moment and then puts the hand that has been stroking the back of Maggie's head on Maggie's cheek to move her a tad bit away in order to plant a soft kiss on her forehead.

Maggie closes her eyes as her breathing becomes steadier again and the stream of tears less. Being held by Jocelyn has calmed her and she is so grateful for her to be here. She never expected for the trial to take such a turn. On her. Leading to her admitting her deepest and darkest secret that she had not even told Lil about. It just burst out of her under the pressure she was put under. She just wanted the questions and accusations to stop. It was too much.

“Can you talk? It's okay if not...” Jocelyn looks at her with kind, watery eyes. Maggie uses her sleeve to wipe across her cheeks and underneath her nose before nodding slightly.

“I… I guess...” Maggie shifts on the hard floor. It is quite uncomfortable, sitting like this, even though she doesn't want to get out of Jocelyn's embrace. 

“Would you like to sit against the wall, maybe?” Jocelyn feels the same about their position. They're too old to just sit like this for ages. Maggie nods at the question and they move to the wall behind them without letting go of one another. They lean against the wall and Jocelyn puts her arm around Maggie's shoulder, making her lean against her. Her right hand is holding tight to Maggie's right. 

“You never told anybody, did you?” Jocelyn's voice remains soft.

“No… I intended to keep it that way. I felt too… ashamed. It just… slipped out. I needed her to stop.” Maggie lets out a quivered sigh.

“It's okay. Do you want to talk to me about it? Since… the topic has been raised now… I heard it's supposed to help, to talk about it. I'm not forcing you, though! Only what you can take and feel able to...”

“I suppose you're right… We're here now… Might just tell you everything...” Maggie swallows. Jocelyn creates patterns on Maggie's hand with her thumb and turns her head to give her another reassuring kiss on her temple.

“Right… After Susan threatened me, I stayed for a little while longer. Scared. Anxious. I wanted to call the police right away but I couldn't bring myself to dial the number… I finally decided to leave, grabbed all my stuff and left the office and started walking home, as always. I kept an eye on everything surrounding me, listened to every noise… Then, I heard footsteps behind me...” She shudders and closes her eyes for a moment. “I… started walking faster, but didn't get rid of the person. I didn't turn around because I was afraid. So I decided to change my route a bit, stupidly choosing one of Broadchurch's famous shortcuts, dark and covered by hedges in between houses…” Her hand starts shaking and Jocelyn tries to calm it, pulling her tighter into her arm. “… And there he got me. Put his hand over my mouth. Said, if I scream or try any funny stuff, I'll regret it, and flashed a knife… So I didn't make a sound… And just let it happen...” She starts to sob a little again. “I couldn't see him, he was holding me in front of him while he talked. He… let go of my mouth and put his hand on my breast, then… violently stripped down my pants… and raped me. There. In the dark. In between sleeping families... It hurt, Jocelyn. I can still feel him...” She starts crying again and buries her face in Jocelyn's chest once more. “It hurt so much...”

Jocelyn wipes away a tear from her eyes with a finger before continuing to gently stroke Maggie's hair.

“Sshhh… I'm here. It's okay.” She's lost for words. She can't remember ever feeling so much pain. And she feels so helpless, too. So terribly, terribly helpless.

“When he… finished… he laughed viciously, ran his fingers up my body, turned me around by my face and stuck his tongue inside my mouth… It was so fucking disgusting… As soon as he let me go, I ran. I just ran as fast as I could until I reached home...”

Jocelyn feels the tears on her chest wetting her blouse underneath her robe but it doesn't matter. Nothing apart from Maggie matters now. Maggie is pressing into Jocelyn's embrace, seeking comfort and warmth from someone she loves and wanting to hide from the world, from the resurfaced pain. They sit in silence for a little, giving Maggie time to calm down again.

“Thank you, Maggie, for trusting me. You're so incredibly strong. Carrying all this pain with you… I can't imagine what is must be like for you. I promise you, if I ever find the guy, I'll kill him. I will. You don't remember what he looked like, do you?”

“No… all I know is that he was taller than me, about a head. Deep voice… That's all. I'm sorry...” Maggie's words are accompanied by shaky breathing. 

“Don't be. Don't ever be sorry for this, Maggie. It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's okay. All that matters is that you're not alone anymore… I'm here for you.” _And I love you._ But now is not the right moment. Maggie shifts in her arms and sits upright, Jocelyn's arm slipping on her back. She looks into Jocelyn's eyes, her own still red from all the crying. She speaks with a steady voice.

“Thank you, Jocelyn. For being here. I don't know what I'd done without you. I'd probably still be in that box.” She lets out a short laugh which doesn't quite reach her eyes before leaning back against the cold wall. She tilts her head upwards and deeply exhales. Jocelyn watches her wiping the smudged mascara away from under her eyes.

“So… you're feeling better now?” She asks hesitatingly. She's never found herself in a situation like this one and doesn't quite know what to do or say for it to be truly right.

“Yeah… Not good, but better. For now. Thanks again.” Maggie turns her eyes to Jocelyn and touches her shoulder. Jocelyn gives her a small smile.   
A knock on the door pulls them back into the room, into the court. Ben carefully opens the door and peeks inside. His eyes switch between the women as he announces that they're going back in. Jocelyn gives him a nod and he leaves again. She gets to her feet under a grunt and stretches out her arm to Maggie, who's grateful for the offer. 

“Do you think you can face the world again?” Jocelyn tries to make sure.

“I think I can handle it. I'll try my best.” Maggie isn't sure of herself at all but she has no choice. She can't stay here anyway.

“If not, you know where I am. I...” 

“Hm?” Maggie raises an eyebrow as Jocelyn stops talking without lifting her eyes from her.

“Nothing. I'm just here for you. Whenever you need me.” She instantly regrets not saying the other two little words but it doesn't feel right. So she squeezes Maggie's hand before walking over to the door, throwing a questioning look to Maggie before opening it. Maggie breathes in and out deeply before nodding and straightens herself.   
Jocelyn steps outside. Most people have already returned to the courtroom and she ought to hurry. She waits for Maggie to join her in the hall, who reassures her it's fine, and Jocelyn strides away towards the room.   
Maggie looks down at her watch and exhales again, when suddenly somebody wraps their arms around her. Olly has waited for her.

“Maggie, I'm so sorry. Oh God. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry.” He holds her tight and speaks into her neck. She hugs him back and lets her hand go through his dark hair with a slight appreciative smile on her face.

“It's okay, petal. I'm alright.” She always remained strong in front of him and she wants to keep it that way. Except for what happened earlier, of course, but she's decided to not let that bring her down or let it change anyone's view of her. Olly loosens his grip and breaks up the hug, but still holding her hand.

“Are you really? I can't bear to think you're not.”, His eyes turn toward the floor, ”You mean a lot to me, Maggie, you know. It hurts to know somebody harmed you. You don't deserve it. N-not that anyone would, but… you know...” Olly stammers as he raises his head to look at Maggie who has tears in her eyes again.

“I am, for now. Believe me. Thank you, sweetheart. Now get back into that courtroom, at least one of us should be there.” Maggie gives him a reaffirming look and squeezes his hand.

“Okay...” Olly lets go of her and nearly runs to the door in order not to miss anything.

Maggie looks after him. She can't join him, she knows she'd crumble again. So she makes her way down the stairs and slowly walks to her car parked outside. The fresh air fills her lungs and she inhales long and deeply. Nevertheless, she fumbles for her e-cig in her bag and inhales just as deeply. She remains in front of the building while taking in the sweet flavour, trying to clear her mind from everything that happened. Normally she'd die to know what's being discussed at this very second but right now, she couldn't care less.   
Maggie takes a last puff and walks towards her car in the car park, unconsciously sharpening her hearing sense. When somebody passes behind her she immediately turns to check they aren't following her. But it's just another woman hurrying to the court.  
In the safety of her car, she sits back, hands on the wheel. She just stares straight out of the windshield and doesn't leave. Jocelyn pops up in front of her inner eye. How she knelt before her in the locker room, looking lost and terribly worried. How she took her in her embrace… and gave her soft kisses. Maggie hasn't felt that protected in a long time. It's odd, thinking about it. Jocelyn, who usually is rather distant, guarding her feelings like a treasure, being this warm and caring. Sure, Maggie knows that this side exists, she's probably the only person who does, but this was new even for her. A smile forms on her lips as she thinks about how tight Jocelyn held her and she can't help but set the butterflies in her stomach free. Her heart hurts at the same time, remembering the pain in Jocelyn's eyes as she finished her story. Remembering her own story. And suddenly she's back in the courtroom, seeing Sharon yelling at her, Jocelyn trying to interfere. Hears herself almost scream her confession out of despair. The next thing she knew is Jocelyn putting her hand on top of hers. Jocelyn being there for her felt so right. Thinking about it, she wouldn't have wanted anyone else care for her, really. She couldn't have opened up to another person like this.   
“Oh my God!” Maggie jerks and turns her head to the side window with a shocked expression after a knock tears her out of her thoughts.  
Jocelyn looks at her with big eyes and her hand over her mouth, gesturing an apology. Maggie opens the door and turns on her seat, feet back on the ground.

“I'm so sorry, Maggie, I didn't think! Forgive me.” 

“It's fine, petal. I just didn't expect anyone… here.” She leans her head against the frame. “Are they not continuing anymore today?”

“No, the judge thought it best to leave it be for today and delay the trial. I feel bad for the family but I'm also quite glad. As good as my compartments may be, I'm not sure if I could've managed properly.” Jocelyn bites her lip a little and looks at Maggie with eyes carrying worry, hurt and anger in them. Maggie looks back at her tired and worn but smiling. 

“Anyway, I saw your car still being here and just wanted to check if everything's okay… Is it?”

Would you look at that.

“Yes. It's all okay. I appreciate it, though.”

“Good, good… Well, I should let you get home, then...” Jocelyn takes a step back.

“Wait, let me drive you home, petal. As a thank you.”

“Oh, you don't have to thank me for anything, Maggie. Seriously. But… if you're sure?”

Maggie nods and turns back inwards, patting on the seat next to her. Jocelyn accepts the invitation, walks around the car and drops on the passenger seat. Maggie turns on the engine and starts driving to the street leading back to Broadchurch. For Jocelyn, the beginning silence feels awkward, now that she knows about Maggie's horrible secret. That isn't one anymore. She sighs.

“I spoke to Sharon after we've been dismissed. Gave her a proper bollocking.”

“Oh… What did you say?”

_In a rush, Jocelyn enters the locker room once again. Sharon is already inside. Seeing her tips her over the edge.  
“You really think you did something today, hm? Are you proud of yourself? I can't believe how you turned out. I was so happy with you, being so intelligent and eager for this profession. And this is how you use what I taught you. What am I saying, I never taught you the use of such cruelty. How could you dare doubt Maggie's statement about the threat. Why would she ever make that up? Tell me! How could you keep on nagging and accusing her of lying about something so serious? I'm so disappointed in you. Seems I'm not the only one allegedly not having a heart. I hope you're bloody pleased with yourself for bringing this pain to the surface.” She scoffs and turns to her locker, angrily getting rid of her robe and pulling her jacket out.   
“How could I know that she was raped? How could I know, Jocelyn?” Sharon sounds annoyed. She has no right to play that part, Jocelyn thinks.   
“You could've stopped cornering her and accusing her of lying for my advantage. You could've prevented putting her in this inescapable situation. Of course, you couldn't have known, but you could've shown some bloody decency and let her be. I thought you knew that we always believe the victim when it comes to rape. Even if it's just a threat. I suppose you're not even sorry for making Maggie live through this.” Jocelyn turns back to face Sharon and if looks could kill, Sharon would drop dead on the spot.  
“You really think I'm that much of a bitch, do you?”   
“In fact, I do. If not before, I do now.” Jocelyn grabs her bag. She wants to get out of here.  
“Well, you're wrong. I do regret how far I went. But I'm still the defence lawyer, Jocelyn. And I'm gonna fight.” Sharon's voice gets louder as Jocelyn has begun walking away from her.  
“How could I have been so wrong about you? I feel sad for you. For your lost hope. And don't think I've given up the fight. I'm only just starting.” And with that, she's out of the door. Inside, she's raging but telling Sharon off just now has lifted some of the heavy weight of her shoulders.  
Sharon is left alone in the locker room. She raises her hand to her forehead and kicks against the door of her locker. What a shit day._

“Wow, I… I don't know what to say, Jocelyn.” Maggie glances at Jocelyn beside her. There is a sense of pride spreading in her chest, pushing the still very present pain into another corner. Sharon admitting to going too far was about to soothe her a bit but the following statement about still being the defence ruined that chance. But Jocelyn standing up for her like that makes her feel so grateful to have this magnificent woman in her life.  
Jocelyn is tucking at her skirt, not knowing what to say now either. She feels somehow relieved but whenever she looks at Maggie, there's just pain, sadness and sympathy. It's crazy to her how she didn't notice anything. How Maggie just seemed to have been the same as she always was. Until today. A bright shining light, spreading nothing but warmth and joy. She would have never guessed.

“I don't understand how I was so blind, Maggie… I feel like I should've seen something...” 

“I would joke about your eye sight but… I know what you mean. I just hid behind the threat, I guess. Blamed me feeling bad solely on that. All my fear and anxiety. But I tried to lock those emotions away when I left home every day. Like you, in a way. And… it worked. I didn't want anyone to know and so they didn't.” She looks sternly onto the street leading up to Jocelyn's house.

“I didn't even know about the threat until I read the file. I never realised you were in a bad state at all. I'm sorry. I… should've been there for you then.” A tear rolls down on the side of her nose. She regrets so many of her past choices. Casting Maggie away when she could've had her, choosing to marinate in her home instead of properly reconnecting with her and the world, not being the friend that Maggie has always been to her. 

“You couldn't have known. I didn't want you to. I kept it from you. And… you're here now. And I'm so glad you are. Talking about being here… we're here.” The car comes to a halt outside of Jocelyn's house on the cliffs and the women get out. Jocelyn hesitates before asking Maggie if she'd like to come in for a minute.

“I'd love to, thank you.” Maggie locks the car and follows Jocelyn into the house.

Jocelyn keeps thinking about Maggie keeping what happened from her. Why did she do that? She knows she can talk to her. But then again, Jocelyn doesn't know if she wouldn't have maybe done so herself. After all, she doesn't know what it's like to be in that situation. What one feels or thinks after being assaulted. Her heart starts aching again just thinking about Maggie telling her story. The pain in her voice. Her trembling body in her arms. It seems so long ago when she looks at Maggie now, sitting calmly on her sofa, gazing out into her garden. She looks obviously drained but calm. Jocelyn decides to join her on the sofa, placing herself on the other end to not invade her space.

“Why did you never tell the police?” 

Maggie's head turns. She searches for an answer to the question she's asked herself many times.

“I tried… multiple times. I don't really know why I never went through with it. Shame, I suppose. It's stupid, I know. I always thought, if something like this ever happened to me, I would immediately get the police involved. But something stopped me.” She looks down at the chequered blanket covering the fabric of the sofa. She feels guilty, in a way. For keeping quiet.

“It's not… stupid. I can't say what I would've done but it's not stupid. If you couldn't go, then so be it. I just wondered...” Jocelyn can barely look into Maggie's eyes, now that they're missing their usual spark. “There's no reason to be ashamed, though. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything. It was wrongfully done to you and that bloke should be the one carrying the shame. Not you. Never you.”

Maggie raises her head to meet Jocelyn's eyes with her own. Her eyes are burning yet again. Not only because she's hurting from something she thought she buried deep under the ground but also because she loves this woman sitting opposite her so much. Because she is so grateful to have her, right now and any other time.   
Jocelyn sees Maggie tearing up again, not sure about the reason. She's worried something she said might've upset her. But there's also the hint of a smile on Maggie's face.

“Do you...” She then begins, reaching out her hand to Maggie.

“Yes...” Maggie cuts her off, takes the hand she's offered and closes the space between them. She curls into Jocelyn, her head finding it's place on her chest again, feeling her heart beat underneath. She wraps one arm around Jocelyn's waist and closes her eyes.   
Jocelyn folds her arms around Maggie and just holds her tight. She rests her head on top of Maggie's.

“You can stay here tonight, if you want.” The sentence slips out of her mouth before she knows it. But for once, no regret follows.

“Only if you really mean it.” Maggie's eyes open but she doesn't look up.

“I do”, Jocelyn strokes over Maggie's hair and gazes lovingly down at her, “I don't want you to be alone, not after today.”

“Thank you. So much. You've helped me so much today. Thank you for… being my friend. And for listening. And… sharing my pain...” She tightens her arm around Jocelyn's waist and closes her eyes again, this time accompanied by a content smile.

“Thank you for allowing me to be your friend. I'm always here for you. Always ready to listen. And… if it doesn't seem like it, make me. Force me to listen. You know how I can be...”

“I know...” Maggie chuckles lightly and shortly rubs her hand up and down Jocelyn's side.

Jocelyn smiles as she feels Maggie's touch and tilts her head to kiss her blonde hair. And she made the decision.

She is going to tell her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Fancy_Hart for encouraging me to write a continuation, I hope it's not too bad.


End file.
